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病気なら治療したいけど

 なにをやるにもめんどくさい病。

 現在私が抱えている持病のようなものですが、
一体これ、何なんでしょうか。

 例えばうつの類と言う事であれば、少なくても
原因というか発端については納得できるのですが、
それだと現在になっても続いているのはちょっと
納得できない、というかなんか違和感がある。

 そういえば、以前から居眠りは良くする
(自慢にもならん)のですが、ここ最近は
ものすごくひどくなっているように思います。
でも、うつで居眠りがひどくなる、ってのは
調べた限り関係なさそうですし、やはり私の
『持病』とは違うようです。

 だとしたら一体何なんだろう。
元々やる気とか根気とは無縁の人間で、実は
これが本来の私なのかなぁ、でもそうなると
こりゃあ相当のダメ人間だなぁ。とか。

 医者に観てもらうにしても、なにが原因か
全く判断がつかないので何科に行けばいいのかすら
わからないから、医者に行くのもためらわれる。
それに、自覚はしているけれど、外見から
推測できるようなものじゃないはずだから
治療なんてちゃんとしてもらえる物なのか。

 大体、単なる『怠け癖』の可能性が最も
高いんだよなぁ。でもならどうしたら良いのか
いまひとつピンと来ない。

 ほかの人ってこんな時、どうしているん
でしょうか。ふつ~はこんな事で悩まない物、
なのかなぁ・・・

|

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